here awhile back...it was actually about seven years ago, give or take a few months, one of our buttercup hens put out four cornish roosters - strange but true.
these four grew and traveled together and were quite ornery - not like all our other chickens. they had no romance about them when wooing the hens - it was more a slam-bam, thank you ma'am and they were more apt to pull the neck feathers out of the females than the other roosters.
ALL the other roosters would do their rooster dance and it is really something to see how they "court" the hens.
the cornish roosters in question were unruly and one in particular would come into our breezeway and peck at a styrofoam cooler i'd take when i went to town to keep frozen goods in until i got home. wellllll, one day i just couldn't keep that rooster out of the breezeway - i'd open the door and hurl everything in sight at it and it would just return a few moments later and commence to pecking the cooler apart.
yeah, i know - i should have brought the cooler in and had moved it on a number of occasions trying to hide it from them - there was no room inside for one more thing! DAYAMIT~it's my cooler!
finally fed up, i grabbed one of the children's daisy one pump beebee guns and quietly opened the door and that rooster's tail was up in the air and i thought, "i'll just graze him in the tailfeathers to scare the bird crappe out of him and perhaps he'll give it up." as i squeezed the trigger, he hopped up out of the cooler and the beebee hit him in the neck!
he struggled out of the breezeway and as chickens go, when the rest of them (35-40) came over and ganged up on him as he was flopping about on the ground - i kept trying to shoo them away so i could finish him off, but alas it seems they did the job for me. the little guy lay there limp on the ground so i picked him up - no sign of life - shook him off, put him into a plastic grocery bag and into the freezer he went until nancpop would get home a couple of few hours later and he could prepare him for cooking.
nancpop arrived home two plus hours later and as i related the story to him, he went to the freezer to get the bird - as he approached me with the grocery bag that was rattling about like it had popping corn in it - he said, "COME HERE! i'm going to show you how to really kill a chicken~!"
me, "no thank you, i killed it the first time - it's your turn."
...oh boo...
as for the remaining "three amigos" - i'll save THAT story for another day.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
CATZ "OH BOO"
pop doesn't like cats...or so he says.
for some strange reason however, they're always flanking him when i go to bed and i have to kick them out of the bed to make room for myself and i notice he's always putting some sort of snacks into their dishes that they'd never think of eating so they will play with them until i find them all dried up behind or under a piece of furniture.
he was complaining on them the other day and i said, "if you'll notice we have NO mice since we got the cats!"
his response, "um, babe? we NEVER had mice BEFORE we got the cats."
...oh boo...
for some strange reason however, they're always flanking him when i go to bed and i have to kick them out of the bed to make room for myself and i notice he's always putting some sort of snacks into their dishes that they'd never think of eating so they will play with them until i find them all dried up behind or under a piece of furniture.
he was complaining on them the other day and i said, "if you'll notice we have NO mice since we got the cats!"
his response, "um, babe? we NEVER had mice BEFORE we got the cats."
...oh boo...
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
TOOLS "OH BOO"
WOW, MOM!!!
for a very long time - perhaps 30 years or so, i've endeavored to keep my tools separate from my man's and tried just keeping my tools in a special drawer in the kitchen - hammer, assorted screwdrivers, wrenches, nail sets, drill bits, etc.
for a very long time they invariably go missing and i find them in pop's tools - all dirty and greasy with grass and leaves stuck to them - YUCK!
for a very long time i've taken to printing on them in a wide, black sharpie "MOM".
for a very long time i keep finding my tools marked "MOM" in his tool boxes, behind the seat of his truck, on the work bench, in his work jacket pockets, in buckets, cardboard boxes, shelves in the garage and the like.
for a very long time i held my breath, took my tools and put them where I could easily find them.
and then...i got angry and asked, "WHAT ARE MY TOOLS DOING INTERMINGLING WITH YOUR TOOLS?!?" him, "what do you mean?" "ohhh, don't be coy with me - they ALL have "MOM" written on them!" him, "oh. i thought that spelled "WOW"!"
...oh boo...
some people have asked over the years about why after i or someone else says "WOW" do i say, "that's "MOM" spelled upside down." or vice versa - now you know!
Sunday, May 17, 2009
"OH BOO" FUNERAL FAN
here awhile back...
at church one sunday i was hot-hot-hot! soooooo, i grabbed the "funeral fan" from in front of the hymnal and began vigorously waving it in front of my face to try and cool myself off - little did i know it was about ready to snap and so it did - the fan itself fell to the floor and i was left holding what looked like a large tongue depressor.
now i'm not one who goes to church for the frivolities and do always pay very close attention to the sermon as i want to be sure i'm not being fed a crock of "hooey" as my dear departed grandmother would say. i'm not one to "believe" what a person of the cloth says and do actually test their words as i admonish every single person looking for the proof of God do.
zgirl was sitting next to me doodling so i had to give her "the eye" - the one that says "GIVE ME THAT PENCIL!"...and she did...so i began looking at pop thinking to myself that he looked an awful lot like the funeral fan handle and i began doodling on it and then zgirl wanted to give it a try and then nancson - of course, pop was getting a little miffed with his unruly family...until we presented him with the masterpiece:
...oh boo...
you can find me over here also!
at church one sunday i was hot-hot-hot! soooooo, i grabbed the "funeral fan" from in front of the hymnal and began vigorously waving it in front of my face to try and cool myself off - little did i know it was about ready to snap and so it did - the fan itself fell to the floor and i was left holding what looked like a large tongue depressor.
now i'm not one who goes to church for the frivolities and do always pay very close attention to the sermon as i want to be sure i'm not being fed a crock of "hooey" as my dear departed grandmother would say. i'm not one to "believe" what a person of the cloth says and do actually test their words as i admonish every single person looking for the proof of God do.
zgirl was sitting next to me doodling so i had to give her "the eye" - the one that says "GIVE ME THAT PENCIL!"...and she did...so i began looking at pop thinking to myself that he looked an awful lot like the funeral fan handle and i began doodling on it and then zgirl wanted to give it a try and then nancson - of course, pop was getting a little miffed with his unruly family...until we presented him with the masterpiece:
...oh boo...
you can find me over here also!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
DRYER "OH BOO"
have you ever turned the dryer on believing there was clothing inside that you forgot about to just do a quick 15 minute fluffing and open the dryer when the cycle is over and it's empty? yeah, me too.
...oh boo...
...oh boo...
Monday, May 11, 2009
NATIONALITY CRISIS "OH BOO"
my husband and his friends are about the best people on the planet to be around. men having fun with men has to be one of the greatest visuals to behold.
he and his friends have special titles of endearment they use for one another - if women did this there'd be a cat fight or worse, but men can call each other ANYTHING and no offense will be taken.
one friend in party cooler and he call each other the very same thing time and again for 20 years. our little goofy guy, nancson, grew up hearing this banter from the cradle until present.
when nancson was in kindergarten his teacher called me in for a conference. she was concerned with a project the children were given to explain what nationality they were and which side of their families were what.
they were to draw a picture of their family and the teacher would label the mother and father's nationalities - "okay, nancson - what's your mother's nationality?" "she's indian and irish." "and your father's" "he's a hick so i'm an indian/irish/hick!"
...oh boo...
then he went on to argue with her...
...oh boo...
that was kindergarten and in a week he graduates from high school - where did the time go? i want my little indian/irish/hick back...sigh...
he and his friends have special titles of endearment they use for one another - if women did this there'd be a cat fight or worse, but men can call each other ANYTHING and no offense will be taken.
one friend in party cooler and he call each other the very same thing time and again for 20 years. our little goofy guy, nancson, grew up hearing this banter from the cradle until present.
when nancson was in kindergarten his teacher called me in for a conference. she was concerned with a project the children were given to explain what nationality they were and which side of their families were what.
they were to draw a picture of their family and the teacher would label the mother and father's nationalities - "okay, nancson - what's your mother's nationality?" "she's indian and irish." "and your father's" "he's a hick so i'm an indian/irish/hick!"
...oh boo...
then he went on to argue with her...
...oh boo...
that was kindergarten and in a week he graduates from high school - where did the time go? i want my little indian/irish/hick back...sigh...
Sunday, May 10, 2009
MOTHER'S DAY "OH BOO"
when nancdaughter the elder (hereinafter referred to as nte) was about six she went out hiking around our house in the mountains and came home with a jawbone very similar to the one above.
i told her it was nasty and to get rid of it. okay.
flash forward a few months - nte lost a tooth and i told her to put it into her "tooth pillow" - i'm sure you've seen them - they're a tiny four by five inch or so pillow with a little pocket on the front large enough to put a tooth and perhaps a quarter in.
that night i snuck into her room and reached under her pillow and got a case of "HOLY CRAPPE!" when not only the tooth pillow came out from under her pillow, but that six or seven inch jawbone AND wrapped around the jawbone a lengthy note for a six year old:
"dear tooth fairy - these are some mammals teeth i found in the woods. i know they're not mine, but leave me some extra money anyway and a pack of trident gum. thank you. nte"
...oh boo...
i still have the note and jawbone somewhere and run across them every now and again.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
crossposted here.
Thursday, May 07, 2009
SMELLY JELLY "OH BOO"
first, a recipe for "smelly jelly" from one of my good neighbors - it's akin to the little jellied air fresheners you buy at the store for $4.00 for a two to four ounce container:
16 ounces water
4 envelopes plain knox gelatin
2 ounce bottle concentrated fragrance oil - can be purchased at walmart
4-5 half pint jelly-type jars.
in a saucepan you intend to use only for this recipe, combine water and gelatin and stir continually until dissolved with spoon you intend to use only for this recipe. remove from heat and stir in fragrance. (neighbor/friend - i improvised on your recipe if you're reading) pour into jars and place caps and rings atop tightly and they will seal over a period of 15 minutes or so.
you may also add embellishments to your smelly jelly - this last time i made the cinnamon apple and added a stick of cinnamon to each jar. DO NOT EAT! when you need to have some good smell somewhere like a bathroom, your car, laundry room, just open a jar and set it out. i also added food coloring to make it more appealing to the smell - red for cinnamon apple!
the gelatinous mixture will take a couple of weeks to nearly disappear into a round, hard disk about the size of the thickness of three poker chips*.
now, on to the gist of this post.
we're pranksters at our house - all our friends are pranksters - our children may be the worst or best pranksters depending upon how you look at it.
a week or so ago, one of my "smelly jellies" was in it's last* stage and i thought i'd pay pop back for the time he put the huge (six-inch) rubber spider into the toilet so it would be the first thing i saw upon lifting the seat - i put the red smelly jelly puck into the toilet in the cat's room (downstairs bathroom) and just waited until he freaked out about the red blob in the stool.
i waited and waited and waited...
a day or so i waited. nothing. no one was using the downstairs bathroom...hmmmmm...then i forgot about it.
well, a few nights ago i was coming in the patio door and pop's in the bathroom saying, "HOLY CRAPPE, WHAT?!? DID ONE OF YOU TAKE AN UNFLUSHABLE POOP IN HERE?!?" water was running all over the floor and into the kitchen; i'm shouting, "TAKE THE TANK LID OFF - STOP THE WATER! WHERE'S THE PLUNGER?!?" children running about - "WHAT'S THE MATTER?!?" "DON'T KNOW!"
we cleaned up the water and went about our business. four o'clock in the morning i spring awake and think to myself, "you put that smelly jelly puck into the toilet and it swelled up and clogged the crapper!" BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA!
...oh boo...
how am i going to tell pop?
told him.
...oh boo...
16 ounces water
4 envelopes plain knox gelatin
2 ounce bottle concentrated fragrance oil - can be purchased at walmart
4-5 half pint jelly-type jars.
in a saucepan you intend to use only for this recipe, combine water and gelatin and stir continually until dissolved with spoon you intend to use only for this recipe. remove from heat and stir in fragrance. (neighbor/friend - i improvised on your recipe if you're reading) pour into jars and place caps and rings atop tightly and they will seal over a period of 15 minutes or so.
you may also add embellishments to your smelly jelly - this last time i made the cinnamon apple and added a stick of cinnamon to each jar. DO NOT EAT! when you need to have some good smell somewhere like a bathroom, your car, laundry room, just open a jar and set it out. i also added food coloring to make it more appealing to the smell - red for cinnamon apple!
the gelatinous mixture will take a couple of weeks to nearly disappear into a round, hard disk about the size of the thickness of three poker chips*.
now, on to the gist of this post.
we're pranksters at our house - all our friends are pranksters - our children may be the worst or best pranksters depending upon how you look at it.
a week or so ago, one of my "smelly jellies" was in it's last* stage and i thought i'd pay pop back for the time he put the huge (six-inch) rubber spider into the toilet so it would be the first thing i saw upon lifting the seat - i put the red smelly jelly puck into the toilet in the cat's room (downstairs bathroom) and just waited until he freaked out about the red blob in the stool.
i waited and waited and waited...
a day or so i waited. nothing. no one was using the downstairs bathroom...hmmmmm...then i forgot about it.
well, a few nights ago i was coming in the patio door and pop's in the bathroom saying, "HOLY CRAPPE, WHAT?!? DID ONE OF YOU TAKE AN UNFLUSHABLE POOP IN HERE?!?" water was running all over the floor and into the kitchen; i'm shouting, "TAKE THE TANK LID OFF - STOP THE WATER! WHERE'S THE PLUNGER?!?" children running about - "WHAT'S THE MATTER?!?" "DON'T KNOW!"
we cleaned up the water and went about our business. four o'clock in the morning i spring awake and think to myself, "you put that smelly jelly puck into the toilet and it swelled up and clogged the crapper!" BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA!
...oh boo...
how am i going to tell pop?
told him.
...oh boo...
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
SPOONS "OH BOO"
at one of zgirl's birthday parties we played this game - i got to beat this one kid atop the head for about five minutes doing this prank - my abs felt a little tighter from the laughter afterward.
one of the girls at the party was a witness to the entire prank and when it was over said, "OOOOH! IT'S MY TURN - I WANT TO PLAY!"
...oh boo...
Monday, May 04, 2009
CELLPHONE CAMERA "OH BOO"
took bertie-boy for a haircut a week or two ago - then i thought to myself, "you really should try using your cellphone camera and send pop a photo of bert!" okay. so i did.
i called pop and inquired, "did you get the photo of bert i sent to you on your cellphone?
"no, but i got a message, "PHOTO TOO LARGE TO RECEIVE", and i thought for sure i'd missed a picture of your girls!"
...oh boo...
Friday, May 01, 2009
NO NADS "OH BOO"
have you ever had the occasion to be around someone who is constantly saying, "sorry." they could bump into a chair, "sorry." or cross your shadow, "sorry."? it just falls from their lips as though it was a lifeline or something.
we had a guest like that here awhile back and honestly, every tenth word out of their mouth was, "sorry." it's like, "you know!" in my book or, "right?" after every single sentence or question. ARGHHHHHHHH...is it talk like a pirate day?
anyhoo, at one point in his stay he was on the phone with his wife and this is where it gets pitiful and i wish he'd just gone outside to speak with her - you could see his tail disappear between his legs and listen to the groveling he was doing and every other word was, "sorry.". i was thoroughly embarrassed for him and had to go outside for a smoke. he later tried to explain it, but in my head i'm thinking, "this is none of my business. please don't say another word. DUUUUUUUUUDE - take your nads back! DEAR LORD! the woman probably beats him to keep him so SORRY!"
we have a rule at our house - no apologizing unless you're specific, do it face to face (no letters or texts), if you have to apologize for the same thing twice then you face severe consequences. it wasn't always like this - it somewhat evolved and works for us. the experience of being around this guy just cemented the fact that you shouldn't just willy-nilly throw out the word - it has meaning as renegade eye would say.
the free dictionary definition of sorry:
sor·ry (sr, sôr)
adj. sor·ri·er, sor·ri·est
1. Feeling or expressing sympathy, pity, or regret: I'm sorry I'm late.
2. Worthless or inferior; paltry: a sorry excuse.
3. Causing sorrow, grief, or misfortune; grievous: a sorry development.
...oh boo...
now, let's see what kind of crappe gets stirred up over this one!
we had a guest like that here awhile back and honestly, every tenth word out of their mouth was, "sorry." it's like, "you know!" in my book or, "right?" after every single sentence or question. ARGHHHHHHHH...is it talk like a pirate day?
anyhoo, at one point in his stay he was on the phone with his wife and this is where it gets pitiful and i wish he'd just gone outside to speak with her - you could see his tail disappear between his legs and listen to the groveling he was doing and every other word was, "sorry.". i was thoroughly embarrassed for him and had to go outside for a smoke. he later tried to explain it, but in my head i'm thinking, "this is none of my business. please don't say another word. DUUUUUUUUUDE - take your nads back! DEAR LORD! the woman probably beats him to keep him so SORRY!"
we have a rule at our house - no apologizing unless you're specific, do it face to face (no letters or texts), if you have to apologize for the same thing twice then you face severe consequences. it wasn't always like this - it somewhat evolved and works for us. the experience of being around this guy just cemented the fact that you shouldn't just willy-nilly throw out the word - it has meaning as renegade eye would say.
the free dictionary definition of sorry:
sor·ry (sr, sôr)
adj. sor·ri·er, sor·ri·est
1. Feeling or expressing sympathy, pity, or regret: I'm sorry I'm late.
2. Worthless or inferior; paltry: a sorry excuse.
3. Causing sorrow, grief, or misfortune; grievous: a sorry development.
...oh boo...
now, let's see what kind of crappe gets stirred up over this one!
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