this one is slightly reminiscent of the one where the guy went in to rob a bank a few years ago and not only was his moniker "bob" over his pocket, but the name of the company he worked for on the back of his shirt.
...oh stinkin' boo...
DSA = dumb shit attack. hey, we all have them.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
"OH BOO" DEER CAMP
four guys were at deer camp. they had to bunk two to a room.
no one wanted to room with nancpop because he snored so badly. they decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
the first night, aay-jay slept in nancpop's room and came to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
the rest of the guys said, "man, what happened to you?"
He said, "nancpop snored so loudly, i just sat up and watched him all night."
the next night it was clyde's turn. in the morning, same thing-- hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. once again they asked, "man, what happened to you? you look awful!"
he said, "man, that nancpop shakes the roof. i couldn't sleep a wink. i just watched him all night."
The third night was phillip's (we'll refer to him from now on as "BADGER") turn. badger was a big burly guy who loved to fish and hunt -- a man's man.
The next morning he came to breakfast bright tailed and bushy eyed. "good morning," he said. the guys couldn't believe it! they said, "badger, what happened?"
he said, "well, we got ready for bed. i went and tucked nancpop into bed and kissed him good night. he sat up and watched ME all night long."
now, for a TRUE story:
it is said in certain deer hunting circles that you eat the heart of your first "kill".
okay - enter a bunch of ackward's bass hicks (which reminds me of another "oh boo" moment) from the sticks about twenty-five years ago - at about that same time at least two of them were a couple of my best friends - and i'll claim them now - aay-jay and badger. they were also two of pop's best friends - one since second grade (the best eight years of pop's life!).
they were out partying as a quadruple of guys whose wimmenfolk were probably at a lingerie party or some such nonsense.
at a certain point in the evening they decided to send the badger into town for some "supplies" - rhymes with "coors". on his way to the party store he hit a deer with clyde's truck so it only seemed right that he should pick it up and bring it back on his way home.
none of them knowing exactly what to do next called the father figure, les. les showed up to give instructions on the proper care and handling of deer that's been shot by a speeding toyota - at one point he said, "on your first kill you're supposed to take a big bite out of the heart." as they had the deer pretty much gutted at that point - one of them reached into the chest cavity and yanked out the first thing they got ahold of and took a big bite out of it!
as they were bent over hurling they handed it to the next guy who in turn did the same thing and then it came to pop's turn and he looked at the organ and said, "this looks like a lung to me - i'm not taking a bite of it!"
...oh boo...
these guys must've been too full to eat the heart...oh boo...
no one wanted to room with nancpop because he snored so badly. they decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
the first night, aay-jay slept in nancpop's room and came to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
the rest of the guys said, "man, what happened to you?"
He said, "nancpop snored so loudly, i just sat up and watched him all night."
the next night it was clyde's turn. in the morning, same thing-- hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. once again they asked, "man, what happened to you? you look awful!"
he said, "man, that nancpop shakes the roof. i couldn't sleep a wink. i just watched him all night."
The third night was phillip's (we'll refer to him from now on as "BADGER") turn. badger was a big burly guy who loved to fish and hunt -- a man's man.
The next morning he came to breakfast bright tailed and bushy eyed. "good morning," he said. the guys couldn't believe it! they said, "badger, what happened?"
he said, "well, we got ready for bed. i went and tucked nancpop into bed and kissed him good night. he sat up and watched ME all night long."
now, for a TRUE story:
it is said in certain deer hunting circles that you eat the heart of your first "kill".
okay - enter a bunch of ackward's bass hicks (which reminds me of another "oh boo" moment) from the sticks about twenty-five years ago - at about that same time at least two of them were a couple of my best friends - and i'll claim them now - aay-jay and badger. they were also two of pop's best friends - one since second grade (the best eight years of pop's life!).
they were out partying as a quadruple of guys whose wimmenfolk were probably at a lingerie party or some such nonsense.
at a certain point in the evening they decided to send the badger into town for some "supplies" - rhymes with "coors". on his way to the party store he hit a deer with clyde's truck so it only seemed right that he should pick it up and bring it back on his way home.
none of them knowing exactly what to do next called the father figure, les. les showed up to give instructions on the proper care and handling of deer that's been shot by a speeding toyota - at one point he said, "on your first kill you're supposed to take a big bite out of the heart." as they had the deer pretty much gutted at that point - one of them reached into the chest cavity and yanked out the first thing they got ahold of and took a big bite out of it!
as they were bent over hurling they handed it to the next guy who in turn did the same thing and then it came to pop's turn and he looked at the organ and said, "this looks like a lung to me - i'm not taking a bite of it!"
...oh boo...
these guys must've been too full to eat the heart...oh boo...
Monday, December 22, 2008
"OH BOO" IQ
okay, so i barely skated through the "civics" test with a c+...
a couple of weeks ago the small children (16 & 17) challenged me to take the following test, one taunting me that i couldn't beat her 132 score and the other with a 133.
Free-IQTest.net - IQ Test
according to this synopsis:
120 - 140 - Very superior intelligence.
thank GOD i didn't score over 140 - genius IS next to insanity! at least that's what i told my first grade teacher when she questioned me on my "abstract" art project...
...oh boo...
sidenote: is there a negative on the iq scale?
a couple of weeks ago the small children (16 & 17) challenged me to take the following test, one taunting me that i couldn't beat her 132 score and the other with a 133.
Free-IQTest.net - IQ Test
according to this synopsis:
120 - 140 - Very superior intelligence.
thank GOD i didn't score over 140 - genius IS next to insanity! at least that's what i told my first grade teacher when she questioned me on my "abstract" art project...
...oh boo...
sidenote: is there a negative on the iq scale?
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
AN "OH BOO" RECIPE
i'm going to call this "next-time-you're-sick-stay-home-where-you-belong-instead-of-going-out-willy-nilly-infecting-innocent AND unsuspecting-people-with-this-hacking-up-smurfs, head-throbbing, gut wrenching, sneezing, fever, miss-the-children's-christmas-program, spicy, chicken tortilla soup" recipe:
chop and set aside:
one medium tomato
one small white onion
two stalks of celery (about a 1/2 cup)
one bunch of cilantro - leaves only - to prepare, i usually run them under cold water, shake the excess water off and roll up in about three paper towels to dry - then use a pair of kitchen shears to cut to about 1/4-1/2 inch wide.
in a two to three quart stockpot put:
4-6 cups water (depending upon the size of the chicken breast)
1 chicken breast
1 tsp. salt
1 tbs. garlic POWDER
1 tsp. hot chili powder
3-4 chicken bouillon cubes
over high heat, stirring until it comes to a boil; turn down to a simmer for about 15 minutes until chicken is well done. remove chicken from broth adding chopped veggies to broth. cube chicken and return to broth. simmer covered on low heat for about a half hour or until vegetables are glassy yet still firm.
in your soup bowls, place a 2x2 inch cube of monterey jack cheese - spoon hot soup over cheese and serve with crumbled corn tortilla chips. you may also wish to add some cayenne pepper to taste because at this point your taste buds are pretty shot and everything tastes like nothing.
enjoy~! or at the very least believe you are doing something good for yourself...
chop and set aside:
one medium tomato
one small white onion
two stalks of celery (about a 1/2 cup)
one bunch of cilantro - leaves only - to prepare, i usually run them under cold water, shake the excess water off and roll up in about three paper towels to dry - then use a pair of kitchen shears to cut to about 1/4-1/2 inch wide.
in a two to three quart stockpot put:
4-6 cups water (depending upon the size of the chicken breast)
1 chicken breast
1 tsp. salt
1 tbs. garlic POWDER
1 tsp. hot chili powder
3-4 chicken bouillon cubes
over high heat, stirring until it comes to a boil; turn down to a simmer for about 15 minutes until chicken is well done. remove chicken from broth adding chopped veggies to broth. cube chicken and return to broth. simmer covered on low heat for about a half hour or until vegetables are glassy yet still firm.
in your soup bowls, place a 2x2 inch cube of monterey jack cheese - spoon hot soup over cheese and serve with crumbled corn tortilla chips. you may also wish to add some cayenne pepper to taste because at this point your taste buds are pretty shot and everything tastes like nothing.
enjoy~! or at the very least believe you are doing something good for yourself...
Thursday, December 11, 2008
"OH BOO" MOMENT 072908
this should be an "oh boo" moment 080108, the day i called my mother on her birthday, but i'm taking it back a day or three to the original event.
both our children THINK they're ready to get their driver permits. they're allowed to take the written test each and every tuesday until they give up or the sheriff gets sick of them.
last week was the second attempt for one and the first for the other. they both failed miserably. please give them a break - they've only been studying for a year and IT IS arkansas.
all the way to the test they argued back and forth about who would drive home - i settled it with a, "whoever passes with the highest score gets to drive home." three plus miles away.
i figured since we were in town i'd get the tags paid for on all our vehicles which meant a trip to the assessor's office and bank - while the children were in the basement taking their written tests. oh sure, there should have been time to spare, but when i returned from the bank - there they were outside the assessor's office looking somewhat haggard.
as i gazed into my favorite son's face asking, "sooooooooo, didja pass?", he was quick to tell me, "i didn't pass, mama - AND neither did ____!!!"
okay, so IIIIIIIIIII had to drive home - and frankly i'm getting somewhat tired of it. i called pop and told him as i knew he was waiting on pins and needles hoping they would fail. by that time it was close to lunchtime - he said, "thank GOD! it was freaking me out that you'd LET one of them drive THE CAR home~!" IT'S WHAT I LIVE FOR!
on the way home i was asking them which questions they missed - only ONE stood out in their minds and i must admit it was quite the miss as they see billboards all over the place about it and our son wanted to philosophize about it and i finally just had to shut him down.
later that week i called my mother to wish her a happy birthday and was going over the events of the week and when i got to the part about the children going to get their permits, she just blasted out laughing like a wildwoman! i said, "calm yourself before you have to change your depends!"
she went on to tell me that she had had to go take a written test last year for the first time in 55 YEARS! my mother further stated that the "kid" administering the test laughed when she told him how long it had been for her and he told her she'd do fine.
upon finishing the written test she returned it to the "kid" and he about fell over the counter in a belly roll of guffaws and asked her, "now what should you do when you see a blind person with a white cane step off a curb in front of you?"
my mother, in all her little old lady ways said, "honk?" he responded, "WHAT? do you want to give the poor guy a heart attack?"
when she was telling me about this incident, i said, "mom, please don't tell me that you checked the "HONK" box?"
jeesh, everybody knows you should just run every person down who steps off the curb in front of you...oh boo...
Sunday, December 07, 2008
"OH BOO" Moment 092308
nancson has been waiting and waiting to get his driver's license for months - yesterday he finally got to try out for the team...of licensed drivers.
seven other anxious teens got there ahead of us so it was well over an hour wait - no problem, i had an iced tea and reading material. he came unprepared. sound familiar?
his turn was up and off he went with the officer, me left behind hoping the officer would help him see the err of his driver ways - i said, "not my will, but YOURS BE DONE, LORD!"
twenty minutes later they pull up and i thought to ease the tension i'd go up and jerk the passenger door open and ask officer "j", "ARE YOU OKAY???" he exited the vehicle laughing stating he was fine and that nancson was a very good driver, but he had a difficult time stopping at STOP signs...
i asked him, "what do you mean?" he replied, "your son doesn't seem to take the signs at their word "STOP"!" nancson responded, "well, if there's nobody coming can't i just barely stop and keep on going?" officer "j" snickered and said, "if they DIDN'T want you to stop, the sign would say something like "if you don't see anybody coming go ahead and DON'T stop."
...first oh boo...
we spoke for a moment and the officer told him that if he didn't fix the problem by next week, he'd make him go a month before he'd test him again. point. set. match.
sooooooooo, i get into the passenger side of the vehicle (i do not want to destroy his now fragile psyche) and decide to allow him to drive me home as i'm LMBFTO because of the affirmation the officer has given me AND his father - as soon as my eyes clear through the sound of him saying, "PLEASE STOP LAUGHING AT ME, MOM!" i see DIRECTLY in front of my car a blue and white sign...and i ask, "do you see THAT sign in front of THIS car?" "yeah, mama - that's another thing..."
...oh boo...
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