SCHNAPPS "OH BOO"

here awhile back...

when pop was working out of state, i was clearing some land on the mountain and hired three or four young men to help me a couple of days a week. they were all between the ages of 13-17, but they could barely keep up with me!

we were cutting brush, pulling stumps, moving boulders and large rocks, burning brush, mowing and weedeating.

i kept plenty of sodas, water and tea on hand for break times and expected them to take regular breaks of about five or ten minutes EVERY hour - the arkansas heat isn't what gets you - it's the humidity. if it's 85 degrees and 70 percent humidity, you can lose much needed waterweight and develop heat stroke in a hurry.

after a couple of weeks of this, when i'd ask the boys what they wanted to drink, all but one stated what they wanted and i asked the one who didn't, "what do you want to drink, nutcase (not his real name)?" he said, "i'll have what you're having!" "okay, unsweet tea it is." he responded, "no, i want some of that SCHNAPPS i smell on your breath all day!" "WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?" "you can't fool me, mzz nanc - you're drinking peppermint schnapps and that's what i'll have too." "listen you little turd, i'm NOT drinking schnapps, i NEVER drink schnapps and i NEVER drink alcohol before six or seven in the evening and i certainly would NEVER drink it with a 17 year old - NOW GET BACK TO WORK!"

he was a persistent little devil - even wanting to smell my breath so i got all myself in his face to where i could see my reflection in his bulging eyes and gave him a breath he'll never forget - he responds, "see, i told you you're drinking schnapps." okay, at this point i'm pretty sure i can take him...and then i remember i had put two of these into my mouth at the beginning of the job.

...oh boo...

everest WAS my favorite chewing gum before altoids, but if you put two in your mouth it would literally knock the wind out of a sissy, so i said, "IT'S NOT SCHNAPPS! it's these, here have TWO."

...oh boo...

that'll teach'im!

GOLF ETIQUETTE "OH BOO"

y'all know how much our entire family loves golf:



there are SOME things one should never discuss on the course.

...oh boo...

PONDERING "OH BOO"

i was thinking just the other day...

...oh boo...

MUST HAVE PROVISIONS "OH BOO"

i haven't carried a purse for over eighteen years. hate them. i noticed the larger the purses, the more junk would find its way into them.

when we had toddlers in the house and out and about i found it much easier to have a fanny pack to carry the minimal necessities: my smokes, a lighter, identification, bank card, fishing license, lip therapy (avon - the best!), a notepad, fine point pen (pilot - the best!) AND THE MOST IMPORTANT ITEM, ALTOIDS PEPPERMINT CHEWING GUM! (THE best!)

i've since narrowed down what i carry and no longer use a fanny pack, but NEVER leave the house without id, phone, my jumbo mug of iced tea and MY ALTOIDS CHEWING GUM.

here awhile back they stopped carrying my gum of choice and after searching high and low, i FINALLY found another place to purchase it for the past three years. i was getting low a couple of months ago and upon going to get some more, the store told me they were not carrying it anymore - i asked perplexedly, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOT CARRYING IT ANYMORE?!?" my favorite clerk replied, "supposedly altoids is not making the gum anymore." me, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOT MAKING IT ANYMORE?!?" her, "nope, not making it anymore."

...oh boo...

this devastating piece of news caught me off guard - so much so that i came home and went through every vehicle, every nook and crannie, every travel bag, coat and shirt pockets, candy dish, cannister, etc., until i finally found approximately three and a half tins with the beloved gum in them. when the family asks, "do you have some gum, mom?" i say, "well, i don't have enough for everyone - we'll stop up here and get you some." i've been rationing this gum like gasoline in the forties.

...oh boo...

now you may think this a little off plumb, but i also found a tin which had opened and several of the contents spilled on the floorboard, under the seat of one of the vehicles...oh sure they were a little scuffed, but i wiped them off and put one of them directly into my mouth...it was probably sixteen or eleven months old...and quite crunchy...

...oh boo...

VERBOSITY "OH BOO"

when nancson began making sentences around a year old, there was no stopping him to this day. when he would be sleeping you could actually go into his room and carry on a conversation with him until he awakened and get mad at YOU for talking to him while he'd be sleeping. we stopped doing THAT quite awhile ago.

on long trips, this affliction nancson has - his incessant chattering would make us want to pull over to a rest stop and offer him up to the first deaf family we could find...j/k...

when he and zgirl got old enough to know what money was we decided to give a dollar or so to whichever could stay quiet the longest on some of our longer trips - zgirl would make the zippenzeelippenzee motion across her mouth, sit back in her carseat and be quiet for nine or ten hours.

all the while, nancson would be going on, "i'm going to get that dollar - i'm going to be so quiet you won't hear even a peep out of me - and i'll win that dollar because i'm not going to say a word - nosiree - not one word - why you'll be so surprised at just how quiet i can be, mama - you just watch - see me being quiet? yep - i'm much more quiet than zgirl - just listen to me NOT saying a word!" and, so it would go for two or three hundred miles...

...oh boo...


graphic courtesy rlvdotzcachedotcom.

CUSSING "OH BOO"

i have to admit, nancpop USED to have a pretty foul mouth - he just wasn't aware of it until one day quite a few years ago, zgirl, in her tiny voice said, "papa, please stop cussing." it was at the supper table and he must have been instantly convicted.

the following sunday on our way to church, he dropped something between the seat and console while driving and as he's driving and trying to find the object, you could see the tension mounting - the rest of us were being quiet and awaiting the "eff" or "sob" words to come flying out of his mouth. waiting for what seemed a day or two, but in reality only long enough to travel about a mile and a half on a country road, when all of a sudden, he blurts out, "FIDDLESTICKS!!!"

we all gave each other the dumb dog looks and shrugged our shoulders - pop looks around at all of us and asks, "did i really just say "fiddlesticks"?"

...oh boo...